First Love

"Give thanks to the Lord of lords, for his steadfast love endures forever." (Psalm 135:3 NIV)

A weekend of challenges, yet dappled with brilliant moments that will shape themselves into cherished memories. After another glowing time of fellowship, breaking bread, and a shared meal in a sunny window seat, the Sunday Sabbath came to a close with a stroll and clamber amongst the rocks. Discovering treasures in the crevices and filling our pockets with pine-cones for the home-fire. Dogs and boys with boundless energy playing like tumble-weeds in the wind. Marvelling at the shades of a sunset seen through a child's eyes. 

I was reminded of the verse in Ecclesiastes 1:5 that says: "The sun rises and the sun sets, then hurries around to rise again".

It never occurred to me that it hurries, hastes. There is a note of urgency in this; much like the restlessness of the world. Like the sun, it is never at a stand, but always moving, always busy. So also, the succession of generations of men, one after another, as the rising and setting of the sun continually follow each other. Man is so changeable. At noon day, he flourishes, as in the height of prosperity, but as this declines and sets, so he has his declining times and days of adversity. As the rising sun, he comes into this world, appears for a while, and then, like the setting sun, he dies; only with this difference, the sun hurries and comes back to its place from where it arose, but man who lies down to die, will not rise again until the heavens are no more, and never returns to his place in this world, and it does not know him anymore.

But the God of love, who created and directs the sun, is from everlasting to everlasting. He is outside of time and the passages of the sun and moon. His love for his children does not change and his faithfulness is the same from before time into eternity. His steadfast love endures forever.

After I wrote the last blog post about "worldly love devoid of true meaning and loving enough the speak the truth etc", I felt that I had to follow it up by focusing on examples of our Lord's steadfast love. Not only as bible references, but from my own life. In often seemingly small but intimate moments - I am reminded that He loves me enough to allow trials and tests to make me stronger and reflect more of Him to the world. But never without his nearness. Even in silence, everything around me still resounds with His love, should I be willing to listen.

Let me start with this morning as I sat alone before God, emptying my heart of all the doubts and uncertainties in our lives at the moment. Outside, clouds gathered and blotted out the joy of sunrise. I felt a warmth on my wet cheek and opened my eyes. The clouds had parted just enough to allow the sunlight to fall full and warm on my face. His love was there.

Later that day, during a time of sharing with a dear friend, I was reminded of a period in my life when I had to deal with the hurt of a failed marriage and all the ugliness of divorce. I went about in a daze of shock, my life a tangle of confusion. Tiny white pills, popped under the tongue at short intervals, were my ally. To me, God was far and silent. I was attending a work seminar with a group of woman, all strangers. During the second day, one of them came up to me and asked me if I was a Christian. I was taken aback a bit, but nonetheless managed something like: "Yes, I believe that Jesus is my Saviour". "Aah", she said, "I can see Him in you". That was His love - able to shine through me, even when I felt like a mess.

This incident reminded me that maybe at times I try too hard. In myself I am changeable, far too subject to emotions I can't trust. At the heart of my best efforts there is still an ego. Christ alone can shine His love through me into the world. Only my love for Him moves me to be obedient, and this will spill over with radiant rays into the world around me.

At the end of that same year, after the finality of a court case, facing the reality of life on my own as a thirty-something divorcee - I remember sitting under the canopy of an old stink wood- and camphor tree in my garden. I looked up at the still branches with questions fluttering through my mind like the leaves above my head. Next door, a family were enjoying a slow Sunday afternoon, sounds of children's laughter and splashing water were carried over the wall along with the alluring smell of food roasting over the coals. I felt small and sorry for myself, wishing this life to be mine. As I closed my eyes in an attempt to shut it all out, I felt something brush my cheek. Alarmed, I sat up, looked around for a fallen leave or something that could explain the sensation that I just felt. Then as clear as the laughter on the other side of the wall, I heard a voice saying: "Trust me". That was it. Part of me wanted more, but that was all I got.

Looking back over the fifteen plus years that followed, I realise that I did not get what I wanted at the time, not for many years to come. God loves us enough to not necessarily give us what we want, but what we need. It was good for me to be on my own, to rediscover my First Love and how much I was able to do with His strength. I learnt that I could cope with the cranky old anthracite heater in the lounge, survive on a single income, sort out minor electrical problems in my old wooden-floored house(!), live through the cold lonely nights and best of all; be peaceful and content in my own company.

This past Sunday, I looked around the table at my own and adopted mountain family, the aroma's of roast lamb, tender garden vegetables and caramelised pumpkin filling the sun-kissed room. Our two cherubs where darting in and out of the room, with reports and treasures from the garden. A new light shines through the eyes of my beautiful husband and we are joined in a shared Love, greater than my or any mind can fathom.

We both know that even if our love will be put to the test time and again, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Be reassured of the love of God through Christ Jesus our Lord, for you. See, feel, smell how much he cares for you, from preventing you from tripping over your own shoelaces, to giving His precious life.
So that you may meet with Him one day, the Lover and the loved, together for all eternity.