YOU ARE MINE!

"Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear... The King is enthralled by your beauty, honour Him for He is your Lord." (Ps 45:10-11)

I wake up with an awareness of new mercies. And of sunshine. Straining to pry away the wisps of mist clinging to the clouds, gaining strength. Then I hear in the silence of my waking mind: "Good morning my beloved, daughter of the King"... Two sleepy heads fill the space between us, rubbing eyes that are still in the world of dreams and slumber. As the day awakens with us, with bird song and the smell of wet grass and coffee, I take a deep breath. How can I hold onto these moments? - they slip away so fast, these jewels in time. How do I hold them in the Embrace that enfolds me daily? I am taken back to a story that I told my boys recently, during the sweetness of another dawn.

I have found that stories hide everywhere, little eyes shining behind doors and under stones, begging to be told. This one started with the image of an exquisite quilt, (which my dear friend and sister had recently completed) while a tentative smile grew in my heart.

One day, in a sunny little house on a hill far away, there lived a gifted quilt maker. From her bent fingers, the most wondrous creations grew, one colourful bit of fabric at a time. Looking at them, you would feel yourself being drawn into another place, a place where all things were possible. A place where the Creator himself looked down on her leaning over her sewing, guiding her hands and gently touching her cheek as she worked. And He smiled, oh how He smiled. Then one day, as she looked out over their beautiful garden, the butterflies darting from one raised flower head to another, she had an idea. From her wardrobe she carefully picked out the finest and most precious pieces of material in all the hues of the deep sea, specks of gold and swirls of silver. Her hands brushed each piece lovingly and then lastly touched the folds of fabric covered with a spray of delicate butterflies, each different from the other. Day after day she worked, while the Father watched, lovingly. Then when the last butterfly was carefully sewn onto the quilt, and she shook it out to admire, she drew her breath in wonder. "My, my", she laughed, her face raised, "this time You have really made it come alive". It was a thing of beauty - and that night, as she lay sleeping under it, she felt special and loved. The next morning, as the first rays of sun found their way through her window, something amazing happened...

The sun crept quietly over the floor and found its way onto the bed. As it touched the quilt it started to glow, and as it reached the first butterfly there seemed to be the smallest quiver. Under the sun's warm touch the butterfly lifted one wing, then another; and then - without any effort at all, lifted itself right off the quilt and fluttered above the bed, as if to admire the other butterflies below. One by one the golden rays woke each butterfly up, and soon the air above the bed was alive with wings and colour. The seamstress opened her eyes, blinked, blinked again and again and then just lay as still and quiet as she could. All around her the butterflies played and danced, flitting from one bit of glowing fabric to another. But as she turned to wake her sleeping husband, the butterflies settled right back onto the places they'd come from. The moment was gone. Was it just a dream? she thought. But then a breeze found its way through the open window and brushed her cheek, and she knew...

This particular story took some explaining, but it seemed to satisfy them in the end. I remember it left me with a sense of just how far our Lord would go to show us that we are LOVED. This was just a silly story, but how often have I looked or thought in wonder, thinking: "Wow, was that just for me?"

As women especially, we so often long to be thinner, more beautiful, more patient with our children, more loving as wives, more committed as employees, more worthy of recognition or admiration. Or we feel we don't measure up with woman we admire, don't see the same love and adoration in our husband's eyes as in the early days before babies and nappies and altered minds and bodies... Women in the workplace have such unreasonable demands placed on them, working mothers' resources are stretched to breaking point. Women at home feel they become boring and without merit or spark. My heart goes out to you all as you strive to be what everyone else wants you to be. I'm sure men struggle with similar issues, but the answer is the same for all of us.

We don't need to be more. YOU are loved right now. Not loved with flowers or special meals or vacations, gifts or special treats. LOVED while you were still woven together in the depths of the earth, knit together in the womb, (Ps 139) when you were called by name to be His own. (Is 43:1) When tears of rejection, abuse or betrayal, exhaustion or disappointment run down your face in secret, you are LOVED. When you feel as if you have failed so miserably and become so unworthy, you are LOVED. "The King is enthralled by your beauty, honour Him, for He is your Lord" (Ps 45:11). He promises us that "those who look to Him are radiant, their faces are never covered with shame" (Psalm 34:11). He says: "You are altogether beautiful my love, there is no flaw in you" (Song of Songs 4:5).

I woke up this morning feeling thoroughly refreshed after a time of feeling a physically drained, confused, a bit numb and exhausted. I truly felt like the daughter of a King again. Just drinking this all in and feeling on top of the world, I thought it was about time that I should write a blog again. I had some ideas and thoughts, but they would not grow. The more I tried, the less anything concrete would take shape. I was trying too hard. All our Lord wanted me to tell you, is how loved you are - and this did not sound very original to me. But finally, I had to concede to His will, surrender and let be.

And now I feel that there are simply no words that could ever express Jesus' love for you. How he smiles when you discover a special message in his Word, straight from His heart to yours. How he delights when you greet Him in the morning, how He longs to call you to Him when you rush from pillar to post, trying to fit more hours into your day. As I write, my little boy is busy putting lavender drops on my pillow so that "Mama can sleep nicely" even though I have been too busy writing to make them lunch. That is how He loves us, each moment, through each breath and thought. However far we stray from His will in our actions, words or thoughts, we are LOVED.

There is truly nothing we can do or be to earn more of this LOVE. The only thing left for us to do is to become less, so that He can become more through us. Only then, shall we move closer to grace and away from "needing". Lift your beautiful face and your lovely scarred heart to Him and He will take you to places never imagined. Sit at His feet and carry the sweet fragrance of His LOVE with you into the world. The world may not love you more for it, but straighten your back and know that you are chosen, redeemed, sanctified, purified, set apart for His purposes.

Here are the words of a song by Amy Grant that I hope will help to give you the sweet reassurance of your worth and beauty in Christ:

Another Monday comes and I just want to breathe
Cause it's a long,
long week for someone wired to please
I keep taking my aim, pushing it higher
Want to shine bright, even brighter now
Wish I would tell myself:

Don't try so hard
God gives you grace and you can't earn it
Don't think that you're not worth it
Because you are
He gave you His love and He's not leaving
Gave you His Son so you'd believe it
You're lovely even with your scars
Don't try so hard

Do you remember how the summers felt when we were kids
Oh we didn't think much about it,
we just lived
Taking our time,
beautiful leisure
When did we start,
trying to measure up
And all this time,
love has been trying to tell us

Don't try so hard
God gives you grace and you can't earn it
Don't think that you're not worth it
Because you are
He gave you His love and He's not leaving
Gave you His Son so you'd believe it
You're lovely even with your scars
Don't try so hard

God gives you grace
You can't earn it
Stop thinking you're not worth it
Because you are
He gave you His love and He's not leaving
Gave you His Son so you'd believe it
You're lovely even with your scars
Don't try so hard...